Of all the couples you worked with, is there a couple or a handful of people that stood out to you as the most resistant to the process — of that 30% that you talked about?
Yes. But I want to say a part of how I do what I do is I don't think about it afterward. I'm not driving home thinking about what just happened. I have to let it go. It's probably like working in an emergency room, or something like being a firefighter. You don't keep thinking about it. You would probably go crazy.
Plus, you have your own life that you're trying to live ... Letting people go is one of the best things you can do in order to let them go on their journey. It's only coming through me. I'm not doing it. Something's coming through me, then they're going to take it from there. I have yet to be walking down the street and run into somebody. That would be really interesting.
In this three-day intensive that you go through with the couples, what would you say was the biggest hurdle that you faced as a relationship coach?
I see something of myself in every single couple, for the most part. There's things that I've had to confront in myself that they're having to confront in themselves. I have a very good ability to confront people, but be firm but not unkind. One of the things I see often is that you'll have a man or a woman — but it's oftentimes a man — on the show who is accustomed to saying certain things and having a woman person go, "Oh," and then backtrack. When I don't backtrack, then they want to get in a power struggle with me.
I'm not in a power struggle. I know what my power is — my power is I'm here. This is my chair. I'm not trying to change you, but I'm also not going to undo my own thinking because you looked at me a certain way ...
Some of them are downright intimidating, and they're used to being able to intimidate somebody, and I'm notable in that way. I have a chair and a camera. It's my show. I'm like, "Yeah, I'm not intimidated." I can actually withstand that attempt to push me off.
That's a huge service to them because they've never been with somebody like that. When you love someone and you're in a relationship with somebody and they're urging you to conform to their worldview, the temptation to conform and to cave is incredibly strong to maintain a relationship. But I'm not maintaining any relationships past day three, so I can be in my center. That is many times ... This happens with women [and other] people on the show too. They've never had someone not cave, and it's a great experience for them.
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